College is harder than I thought. Being away from home is harder than I thought. I don't think I have ever studied as long as I did tonight for a test and I still don't feel 100% prepared. I have never read as much as I have in the past week. Holy cow! TONS, and TONS of reading! My brain is fried. I am tired. I like to go to bed early. EXTREMELY early. Not late. Midnight is late for me. REALLY late for me. When I don't get enough sleep (which is happening right now!), I tend to be on the grumpy side. I have literally had to be in constant prayer lately. I don't want to be grumpy. I don't even like being grumpy. I have really had to ask the Lord for an extra measure of His strength, grace, mercy, rest, and peace this past week. I miss my mom and dad (even my brother and dog too!). I miss my friends and mentors. I miss the smell of my house, Bob Evans oatmeal, McDonald's diet cokes, LAC, and my couch. It's the little things in life...
The first few weeks away from home were great. I felt so many doors opening up. Now, not so much. I have (somehow....I must be slacking with my planner!) missed deadlines for ministries and clubs that I was interested in. My class schedule interferes with certain things, and doors have, honestly, just been closing. This is tough. This is when I want my couch, some potato chips, and The Notebook. I KNOW God has me here for a reason, I know that. I KNOW God will take care of me, protect me, guide me, lead me, and hold onto me. I am holding onto Him (pretty darn tight, I might add!). Being in a city four hours away from home, with not many friends is hard. SUPER DUPER hard. All I do have, is my Jesus. Yes, I have my parents, mentors, and friends. But, most of these people I can only communicate with through phone/computer. Yes, I do have Panera, Wal-Mart, and Logans. But, these things, only fulfill me for maybe a few hours.
Jesus Christ, though, WILL fulfill me. Completely fulfill me. I don't fully understand His plan for my life right now, but He never asked me to understand it. He simply asks me to trust Him. That's it. Trust in HIM alone. So, right now, that is truly all I can do. He is the One who will give me extra peace and strength. He is the One who will help me to recall all I have read and studied. He will be the One right next to me when I am scared and lonely. This I KNOW.
I feel like I am throwing a "pity" party and vent session here. I don't mean to. Honestly. I truly love Lee University and am SO glad I am here. I could not see myself anywhere else. The people are great, I have found a church that I love, and I actually love my classes.
What I do want to do is brag on King Jesus. No matter how hard life gets, how lonely you feel, and how stressed out you are, Jesus will never leave you. Never. Don't ever let go of Him in the dark, lonely, stressed out times of this crazy life. Hold onto Him for dear life! He promises (and His promises are SURE!) not to let go.
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
"...to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul." Joshua 22:5b
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